THE STRANGER IN MY HOUSE-STRAIGHT FROM THE DIARY OF A MONSTER

There are times when things are going so well you don’t realise what’s changing around you. You ignore all those little things that are different and take the positive side to things. But there are times when these little things matter. At times it is the little things that influence change. And change need not always be for the good.

I had recently started a whole new life after college-with all the getting responsible and earning to do. Moving in here was a great decision in my life, ‘coz I have learnt a lot many things from six months back till date. It sure is funny how you doubt if things are working out well enough when they actually are. It was a new place, a new beginning, a fresh start, the list goes on.

In short, Life was going good. My once turbulent life was coming to calm with the new job, a new place, a new house-a brand new beginning. Life went from home to office on weekdays, and exploring the city on weekends. I had good people around me. We had loads of fun together, with good fun and laughter. It was a great life, and drugs and alcohol never played a role in the fun we had, which was even greater.

One day, while I was getting ready for office, I had this strange feeling. A feeling like there’s someone else in the house, like someone was watching me. It was this chill that ran up my spine, like when you get suddenly aware that there’s someone else around-someone who you don’t know. I tried to avoid the feeling, thinking it was just me. But then, it got weirder. People started complaining. They started saying how rude and painfully straight forward this guy was. They started feeling uncomfortable around him. My friends told me He had to go. But the thing was that I had never seen this guy all this while. The more I tried to find him, the more distant he seemed to get. I was aware of his presence, but I still couldn’t see him around. He wandered like a lost soul around me. My nights started getting sleepless, my days got restless, and I had no idea why.

Finally I decided to come to the bottom of it. I wanted to know who this guy was- a guy who without even existing in my life, seemed to change it for the worse. I looked all around, talked to many people, tried many ways, but I just couldn’t get a clue to where I was heading. I got back home, tired and weary, and I happened to cross the bathroom. And I saw HIM! I saw him looking at me, with those eyes that said something and his face something on the contrary. And then it hit me. I was looking at the mirror. The stranger in my house was me.

You know, when you have to go through tough times, your mind makes itself immune to certain things. Pain is one such and brutal changer. It changes your mind to considerable levels that you forget to judge who you really are, or if you are the same person you were before. When small things hit your life, you don’t realize how you change because the change sometimes makes you stronger. But when Pain strikes, your mind gets extra vigilant and it evolves into a senseless and defensive object that cannot feel much. The heart is a similar organ. The harder it is hit, the stronger it gets, sometimes even too strong that it forgets to feel. This is what happens in certain cases, like mine. I had forgotten the person I was back in college, to my friends, to my family, to everyone around me. I had metamorphosed into this heartless monster who did not want new people around me. This had made Life difficult for a lot of people who really loved and cared for me. When I looked at myself in the mirror that day, I saw my face- it had changed. My eyes did not have the love it did for people like it did before. All I could see were the anger, the self-resentment, the pain, and the hatred for strengthening relationships that made me repel any acts of kindness or friendliness shown towards me. This wasn’t who I wanted to be. But this was who I was.

Life hasn’t changed much since that day. I’m still almost the same person. But the beast has finally tamed and is trying to accept kindness into its heart. The stranger has left. Now it’s just me, and a few people I love in my heart.