I haven’t been able to smile a lot lately.
I don’t know why I can’t get myself to do it. And it’s definitely not that I haven’t had a lot of happy instances in my life. It’s just that I haven’t been able to feel the happiness in my inner soul.
The reason is the one memory, one sign of sorrow that I’m holding on to.
We all have that one piece of sorrow that does not allow us to smile. It must have happened at some point of our lives. Nobody knows why it happens, or when it does. But when it does happen, we find it impossible to get it out of our head. The thing about sorrow is that it can replace joy, and fill one’s heart to so much of an extent that we forget that happiness even existed.
This one thing, one incident, completely changed the way I saw life, and for better or for worse, made me who I am today. I was very well on my way to go about life as any other guy when this one incident happened. I cannot forget that one day. That one day when it happened. You happened.
The day you came into my life was the most unbelievable, most strikingly beautiful day of my life. I still smile when I think about the day you walked into my heart, in all your radiance and glory. The doors to my heart were well and truly shut. But you, with those night-like eyes of yours, broke them open and filled the emptiness inside like fresh air. I wasn’t aware of how much in love I was in with you, because it was as easy, and as voluntary as breathing. I never realized till I choked, that I was in love with you- every part and every tiny aspect of you.
Our relationship was like none other. It was true, and honest. It was painful, but relieving. It was everything it was not. I lost my ability to speak every time I saw your face, and looked into those deep brown eyes. They were beautiful, they were like the darkness- still, pure and full of mystery, and they were like the light- bright, full of hope and joy. It was amazing how you could bring two sides of a coin to one. If there was anything impossible, it was possible through you. I was in love with the second most beautiful, most amazing woman I’d come across in my life, a spot preceded only by my mother, who I love most in this world.
But fate had other plans. She took you away from me in the most cruel, most unfair way. I had you at arm’s length, the distance between us only a step long. But there was no way closer. We were passengers of different ships, and they had set sail in different directions. I saw you disappear at the horizon, never to see you again. But I hear your memories whisper to me in my dreams, and your reflections in the depths of the sea that envelopes you. You are in me, a diminishing ray of hope in the deepest corner of my heart. I pray for you, for that smile that once made tears smile. I pray for love, long gone but not forgotten.
Today I wait, on the edge of the cliff, eager to see the first sign of your arrival. We might have sailed in different directions. But know this, my love, that the earth is round. Whatever it is that you seek, I hope you find it. And then, I hope you come back to me, ‘coz I have found it. It’s with, in, about, and around…you.
I love you.
:) With this, I smile.
