“The stranger had left. It was just me, and a few people I loved in my heart.”
(Continued From “The Stranger in the Mirror”)
By Vinay Krishnan
“A part of me just stood there, while the rest of me was pushed away to where I am today.”
I stared at myself in the mirror. Who had I become? I couldn’t relate myself to the one who looked back at me. I could see the burning in his eyes. He had a lot to share, but very few words to speak. He choked as I realised I’d forgotten to breathe. As I looked away from that hideous image of my own true self, I had decided one thing. My life was going to be different now. Or I was at least going to try.
Days turned to weeks, weeks to months. My attempts to let go of the pain kept failing. I did not know why the pain never went away. There were times when I almost forgot about its existence, and then again it’d surface, stronger than ever. I’d lost complete hope in myself, and in my existence.
Then one day, as I was going through some old mails, I saw those messages- her messages. I knew I didn’t have the courage to read them again. But Man’s involuntary curiosity urged me, and I did.
As I read through the past, I realised several mistakes I’d done. All those times I’d got hurt, I’d hurt her too. All those times I’d been left alone in the dark, she was bleeding too. She’d been cut, several times, by my words, my actions, my neediness. But she bled her tears silently, without complaining; only becoming stronger in the process. As I sank into the depths of my despair, her wings grew stronger. It was only a matter of time before she flew away, far from the dark waters where I’d made my roof. She was gone. That was the past, and now the present, and for what it seemed, the future.
My past enveloped my life into a bubble, one that if burst, would scatter the shattered remains of my heart throughout my present and my future. I was locked inside that bubble. And it was time for me to get out.
I found solace in a few people- God, my roommate and best friend, my parents, and my life. They were patient, trustworthy, and spoke little when I had to speak. Slowly but surely, I started to live, not one yesterday at a time, but today. It felt good. I felt alive. I was breathing again.
I have never been able to let go of certain things in my life. They were things that were important to me, feelings that I’ve felt were real to me. Letting go of them meant letting go of a part of myself. There was that part of me that stayed in my past, abandoned by the sorrow of being left there by someone he once loved most. I had to go back and get him, so I could show him the promises of the future.
Today I’m happy. I have a dream, a new roof made of clouds and sunshine, and most importantly, I have my present. And I have someone, a stranger, who I hope, one day, will accompany me on my journey to bring back that boy who stayed behind. Life has been a flash, from the stranger in the mirror, to this stranger whom I’ve learnt to love.
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