The Love that Never Was...

I stared into the silence.

I could hear my heart beat.

Thup thup…thup thup…thup thup….

Endless…

I could sense the pain in my insides. But no tears came. None at all.

None.

It was a state of helplessness. As though I had a heart just to keep me alive.

And nothing else. Nothing else.

I gulped the pain away, put up my fake smile and walked to class.

 **********

You know how you always dream of being with someone- that perfect woman or man and build a life around that person? How we always look for that one person in a crowd, and when we do find him or her, fall in love and live a happy life ahead?

What a load of bullshit!

I know this girl, this perfect girl, someone you can just hold in your arms and watch days pass by. She was someone I didn’t know for long, but managed to rip my mask out and unveil the person I am to the world.

Thank god the world was blind.

She saw through me like glass, and it wasn’t long before she’d read me like a million times, through and through. She stayed around while I was working, and we talked, and talked, and had such an amazing time.

Time that we often forgot existed.

And then that day, when she told me how she felt about me, and I looked out for that person who I needed beside me, I realised that it was her, and her alone. Our eyes met, and I was struck by something I’ve never seen in my life.

Innocent, childlike, pure, unconditional love.

I held on to her hand like I never wanted to let go. I felt her hand like I was trying to remember it, etch it in stone in my memory, and scar myself with it. I smelled her sweet innocent scent like it was oxygen for me, and my heart. I lived, for once, in the warmth of her shoulder, and felt alive, more than I had in years.

And then the heart stopped beating.

For the first time, I felt time pass, and I felt her hand slipping, felt darkness creeping up on me. I kept seeing a face, another face, and it haunted me. I was with this perfect girl, and yet.

I was in love with someone else. Someone I knew would never love me back. Someone I knew would never probably be able to love me.

But I loved this girl too.

I knew there was a clause to my happiness here. But there was a cold storm in front of me, and I had one way to go. I walked on, with the warmth of her hand as my comfort. I got lost in the storm, and I held on. I held on till I realised she wasn’t there anymore. I grabbed blindly at the darkness, only to realise she was gone.

The storm ended. The sky cleared out. It’s bright and sunny again.

But the darkness of that perfect love remains.

That incomplete, yet perfect love.