Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Wait That Never Ended.

I waited. It was 7:30 p.m.
This was someone I really liked.
I don’t know what or how or when I started liking this girl. But she’s always been the happy one around, and she had a vibe that radiated to everyone around.

It’s been a crazy life of mine. Time was something I’ve always had for people close to me, or people I’ve felt deserved it. Some of those decisions were great ones. There are really good friends I can always depend on, and turn to when I’m in trouble, which I often am. They are those people who one can call at late in the night and talk about something that’s been bothering you for a while, or people who see you’re starving and drive all the way home to get you something to eat.

Then there are some bad decisions.

I know there’s not anything I can do about it. I mean, they are moments that are way long gone and past. But I can’t help erase those times I’ve hoped for something good to happen when it didn’t, and those times when I was so sure that it was going to happen. Those are minutes, hours, days of my life I can never get back.
I’m not a perfect person. I make mistakes like everyone else does. Well I try and avoid those mistakes. But sometimes you end up doing exactly what you warned yourself NOT to do. So, those mistakes did happen. And when they did, as they have done, all I could do was to try to understand why that half of my glass got empty.

The answer, every single time, was time.

I’ve always given time to people I’ve loved. And this was a problem. I spent all that time not only on the people who are with me now but also on the mistakes I had done. And while that time was being sucked away by the mistakes, I felt myself devoid of time and love to be given to someone else.
And here I am, today, in exactly the same situation as I have been.
I happened to like someone who I shouldn’t have liked. Like some forbidden apple it lured me into the same old self I used to be. And like a chain of events the same old things happened, not much to my surprise, but to my deep and painful sorrow.

This is not about the people, or the girl, or about love, or about anything else.

This is about time. Time, and nothing else.

It’s now 10:30 p.m.
I’m still waiting.

1 comment: